We are half-way through our first week of campers. And I fully realize that it has been nearly a week since I posted here. It's just that when we're at camp, life tends to move at a faster pace. And somehow slower too.
This different pace is exactly the reason we love camp. Why we love letting our kiddos escape the city for a little while to experience the cadence of life in the country. Where we walk through the dark by the light of a full moon and a sky pin-pricked with stars. Where lake water and muck seeps through our toes, and we climb walls and zip-lines even when our knees feel weak. Where frogs fill the night with loud lullabies, and are thrown into the beds of unsuspecting campers by Adam (it's one of his favorite camp activities).
At camp, by the time I kick my Chaco's off at night and wash the dirt off my feet, I just want to crawl in bed and whisper prayers that Caden and Jayci wont wake me up before the sun.
At camp, I get so caught up in playing games and having massive food fights and taking pictures of smiling faces that I neglect the blog. And that's really a good thing, right? For life to happen for real and not just here on the inter-web? It's good that I'm so busy walking outside with Jayci and dancing to Lecrae with Caden that I dont pop in here. The only problem is that when I'm not writing, it often means I'm not processing. I'm not working through my emotions. I process so much and work through so many things in this place. Like grieving the fact that I dont get to spend much time with the kiddos at camp any more, while celebrating and rejoicing in the fact that the reason for my lack of time is my own two precious ones.
Or working through how I feel about the fact that I drove back for Caden's feeding therapy this morning, and they told me he was "difficult." Which is ok. But also hard. Or that while I was at home I talked to the grandma of one of my kiddos and she told me she had given up on him. "He's just too far gone, I sleep well at night knowing I did my best. But he's just too far gone." But he is only fourteen years old. No matter how old he is, in fact, I refuse to believe that anyone is too far gone for the love of Christ to reach. Like Jayci's Bible says: He loves with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love. So we must love the same way.
But if I don't write about that here, I find myself sad and feeling defeated. And I can't figure out why. So I am sitting here, when I should be sleeping, picking at a little thread of sadness, until I can unravel the whole thing. And then let God weave it back together into something beautiful. Something with promise. Something that says that we can have hope, even if some of the kiddos here end up down the wrong path. Even if some of them end up with babies at fourteen, if some of them get shot next to our garden, or end up in a gang, or prison. Even if some of them seem "too far gone."
Even then.
This different pace is exactly the reason we love camp. Why we love letting our kiddos escape the city for a little while to experience the cadence of life in the country. Where we walk through the dark by the light of a full moon and a sky pin-pricked with stars. Where lake water and muck seeps through our toes, and we climb walls and zip-lines even when our knees feel weak. Where frogs fill the night with loud lullabies, and are thrown into the beds of unsuspecting campers by Adam (it's one of his favorite camp activities).
At camp, by the time I kick my Chaco's off at night and wash the dirt off my feet, I just want to crawl in bed and whisper prayers that Caden and Jayci wont wake me up before the sun.
Or working through how I feel about the fact that I drove back for Caden's feeding therapy this morning, and they told me he was "difficult." Which is ok. But also hard. Or that while I was at home I talked to the grandma of one of my kiddos and she told me she had given up on him. "He's just too far gone, I sleep well at night knowing I did my best. But he's just too far gone." But he is only fourteen years old. No matter how old he is, in fact, I refuse to believe that anyone is too far gone for the love of Christ to reach. Like Jayci's Bible says: He loves with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love. So we must love the same way.
Even then.