Lately, I've been getting a lot of people telling me what a great mom I am, and what an "inspiration" I am. Which, I must admit, is both flattering and encouraging, especially during a particularly rough time in my life. And, most of the time, I can somewhat believe it might be true. Except when it's not. And today, my friends, was one of those days. I was ugly to Jayci and Adam and lost my temper again and again. Caden is getting stronger (which is an absolutely amazing, wonderful thing) but that means he's crying more. A lot more. His reflux is terrible, and he just seems uncomfortable all the time. Which means we hold him and rock him and bounce him. Which is a dream come true. Except that we also have a three year old who needs attention. And who doesn't have school this week.
Quite honestly, Jayci was a perfect angel all morning. She was so so sweet to Caden, and obedient, and just a joy in every sense of the word.
But then she decided not to nap. And to draw all over herself and her room with blue marker instead. And to throw many large fits over every little thing. And my plan for making it through the day was to take a nap while Jayci napped because, you know, the whole not sleeping thing because of a fussy baby with a grueling feeding schedule. But while all of those things are viable reasons for my behavior, they are not excuses, and I feel terrible about losing my temper and acting ugly.
Because there is no reason for me to act a fool, when I am blessed with a sweet miracle baby and a beautiful little girl, not to mention an amazing husband and supportive friends.
So I needed to take a minute to apologize, and to cover myself, once again with grace and mercy, because I am a sinner who fails again and again. And I am so thankful that I serve a God who forgives me and wipes the slate clean, whose mercies are new every morning.
I also needed to remind myself of just how beautiful my life is. And how much God has helped us overcome in the last two weeks. And how he has healed Caden's heart, and he has the scar to prove it. And how He is already knitting Jayci and Caden together in beautiful ways. And how He always creates beautiful things, even when I don't do a good job being a part of that.
Quite honestly, Jayci was a perfect angel all morning. She was so so sweet to Caden, and obedient, and just a joy in every sense of the word.
Because there is no reason for me to act a fool, when I am blessed with a sweet miracle baby and a beautiful little girl, not to mention an amazing husband and supportive friends.
So I needed to take a minute to apologize, and to cover myself, once again with grace and mercy, because I am a sinner who fails again and again. And I am so thankful that I serve a God who forgives me and wipes the slate clean, whose mercies are new every morning.
I also needed to remind myself of just how beautiful my life is. And how much God has helped us overcome in the last two weeks. And how he has healed Caden's heart, and he has the scar to prove it. And how He is already knitting Jayci and Caden together in beautiful ways. And how He always creates beautiful things, even when I don't do a good job being a part of that.